You make a point to strike up a conversation with them there and hit it off fairly well. Another possibility is: This is the last broad way to do it. Don't look that gift horse in the mouth. Over the longer term things work out more in your favor. Here are some general thoughts on the process: I already got at this idea a few times already, but I'll repeat it. As a rule I think people should make an effort to introduce their friends to each other, unless they're really sure they wouldn't get along. In most social circles not every relationship between the members is equally close. You play in a rec volleyball league and have noticed one of the other teams is a group of buddies who seem fun. The idea of joining an established group can seem more daunting than it often is. Some groups are more welcoming than others, but as a general rule being accepted into a group is no easy task. Anyone else will have to earn their way in." If you're at some fun job with lots of people to meet, but you only regularly chat to one other person there, you're not going to form a larger social circle. Click here to go to the free training. Getting to know new friends (no matter if you do it individually or in a group) is hard work. On occasion two of your friends, who initially didn't get best impression of each other, will start to get along once they've had more time to talk and realize they have more in common than they originally thought. Another thing is that after spending time with each other over multiple outings, it gets everyone thinking along the lines of, "We're a group that often hangs out together.". Either way could work. That or they never gave you much thought until now, so they don't see you suddenly wanting to join as weird or out of place. Sometimes you'll try to form a group of buddies, and things just won't work out right away. A free guide to getting past social awkwardness, made many friends during her first few weeks on campus. One way to get a group of friends is to join an existing one. Like on a sports team some teammates may already get together after every game, and you just need to start going along. You become friendly with one of the servers who hangs out with them. I don't know if there's some magic way to ensure your friends all get along. In fact, it's normal. It can help to keep that in mind and not get discouraged prematurely. A guy might sign up for a club, immediately hit it off with several of the regular members, and before he knows it he's a part of the gang. You'll probably feel closer to one or two people immediately, so give some time and attention to the individual friendships that develop. From what some people have told me, they don't have a lot of problems making individual friends, that they can do one-on-one things with, but they also want a group of buddies to hang out with. A wrinkled, button-up shirt … Get the other group member's phone numbers and add them on whatever social networks you all use. The exclusive ones usually aren't purposely trying to be snobby. Here it can be important to meet your friend's friends more than once, so they get used to the idea of having you around. One way to get a group of friends is to join an existing one. One basic tip is to do little things to break the ice between your friends to get them talking ("Katherine, Ellen worked at the same non-profit you did"). Though I'm also a therapist and can offer in-depth, personalized help. First, you'll need to arrange some way for them to meet. It may not work, but there's not a ton of harm in trying. Don't be someone who has all these separate clusters of friends, but who's scared to mix them together for fear that it will be awkward, or that they'll get along too well and cut you out of the equation. I'm trained as a counselor. That's not to say it's a lost cause if you're not new somewhere, but all else being equal, it makes things a little easier. They've identified a group they want to join, haven't talked to any of the members much, if at all, and don't know how to make the first move. If you want to make a group of friends at work or in your class or whatnot, it's also important to be friendly with lots of the people there. Their idea of a fun Saturday night isn't hanging out at someone's apartment with eight other people. If that makes you too nervous, you could always try the next option. However, they're not getting in on the fun group activities that were one of the reasons they wanted to join it in the first place. You could try introducing people to each other one or two at a time (like the seeing a movie example I mentioned earlier), or you could organize a bigger get together and do it all at once. We tend to hang out with a variety of people and sub-groups, who speak to different parts of our personality, and they're not all meant to click with each other. For example, if you have a job and have fun joking around with your co-workers, don't just keep things confined to when you see each other at work. Sometimes newer groups can come across as tight and exclusive, but that's often misleading. I was shy, awkward, and lonely until my mid-twenties and created this site to be the kind of guide I wish I'd had at the time. If you're really bursting with initiative you could even plan some sort of party or larger get together yourself. You just have to know how to go about it. Groups may have people coming and going a lot, so if they don't warm up to you right away, don't take it personally. Arrange to get drinks at the end of the day, or get together on the weekend. I was shy, awkward, and lonely until my mid-twenties and created this site to be the kind of guide I wish I'd had at the time. You could ask about future plans, and then politely. You work as a busser in a fairly big restaurant and want to get to know the bartenders, who you don't get much of a chance to talk to during your shifts. Though I'm also a therapist and can offer in-depth, personalized help. You've noticed a group you want to join that's in two of your university classes. Like I just mentioned, longstanding groups are often tougher to get into. It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life" to make interesting conversation. Here are the two main possibilities: I realize it takes a certain amount of guts to go up to a group of people and insert yourself into their conversation. Actually now that I think about it, I've gotten a fair number of questions about just this sub-topic; "How do I get my friends to hit it off and start hanging out with each other?" Try a sweater layered over a button-up shirt, and pair it with well-fitting jeans and clean, comfortable sneakers or ballet flats. It's not about how to wage a six-month espionage campaign to gradually sneak your way into some super-exclusive clique. Again, this is just another option for meeting the group's members. But if you keep at it for long enough, you should be able to form a pretty decent social life for yourself. How Can I Become Better Friends With Someone? If a group of five friends spend tons of time together and knows each other's every secret, they're going to be harder to join than a bunch of co-workers who go out and party every few weeks, and who only casually keep in touch with each other in between outings. Even if you don't see them as that impressive, just the fact that trying to join a group can be nerve-racking for some people can imbue them with that aura. You live in a dorm, but haven't clicked with anyone on your floor. If you've been at college for a month and a half, and it seems all these groups have solidified and you've missed your window to get into any of them, that's not the case at all. You could try arranging a get together yourself. Sometimes two members may not even like each other that much, but they maintain harmony by keeping it to themselves and staying out of each other's way when everyone hangs out together. Others are more established and set in their ways, and will tune out ideas that don't come from their long-time friends. That gets everyone's mentality out of, "This is someone I get along with at work" and changes it to, "This is someone I could be friends with in my 'real' life". If you do become friends with them, you can't really predict what other social opportunities are going to be unlocked by that. I'm trained as a counselor. It shouldn't be thought of as a way to subtly worm your way into a clique that would reject you if you approached them more directly: However you first make contact with a group, if you're a good fit for it this step may be the only point of struggle, and once you've broken the ice the rest will take care of itself. You get to know her in that class, and once you're friendly with her, start sitting with the whole group in the other two courses. I'm currently working with clients who live in Ontario, Canada: Copyright © 2006-2020 Their in-jokes, shared history, and plain old comfort around each other can also unintentionally create a wall that keeps everyone else at arm's length. This often happens when a situation forces a bunch of people to hang around together for an extended length of time and get to know each other. That means taking the time to individually get to know people, but also going to where a group gathers and joining in (e.g., sitting with everyone that eats together at lunch). 10 Things to Avoid In Order to Make Friends, Why You Keep Going Back Again and Again to a Friend That Hurts You, How to Deal With a Friend Who Talks Over You, Image: photostock / If you're around the same group of people week after week, and you all hit it off, then it's only natural that a group of friends may form from that. This is true for groups of casual friends and for those in a more formalized group, like book clubs or sports teams. in Psychology. Sometimes when you join a group you'll feel like a full-on member right away. Don't use these friendships to undermine the group or start a gossip train, but instead allow one or two people to really get to know you. If you don't get along with some of your friend's friends, that doesn't necessarily mean they've run out of people to introduce you to. Signs That Someone Wants to Be Your Friend, The Drama Free Way to Break Up With a Friend, When You're Not Sure If They're Your Friend or Not, No Friends at Work? I also realize this may require a level of outgoingness that not everyone will be up to.

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